photo credit: Anna Haas
Listen: “All My Failures” at All Streaming Services
Nashville-based singer-songwriter Buick Audra has spent the last eight years as the guitarist and primary vocalist and songwriter of the melodic heavy duo, Friendship Commanders. Having stepped away from her solo voice around the same time the band started, she has spent most of her creative, emotional, and physical energy on making the loudest music possible with FC. But a part of her has been writing work in a very different sonic and stylistic direction.
Buick Audra’s new single, “All My Failures,” her first solo release in ten years is out today (order). The official video for the track is streaming at YouTube and the song is on all streaming services to add to your favorite playlists.
On her new solo release Buick Audra says:
“I put my solo work aside ten years ago in part because I was excited to make heavy music in Friendship Commanders, but also because I was having such a hard time being on my own side. I realize now, in looking back, that my nightly panic attacks played a role in my lapsed self-confidence as an artist, and as a person. Admitting that I’ve had those attacks in ‘All My Failures’ is liberating for me—and also a bit frightening. It’s the truest of the true. In that way, it feels like the perfect song to return with. I wanted the recording to sound like the dead of night, like a dream. Trina Shoemaker’s mix definitely did that, but also the sensitive and intentional performances by Bryan Sutton, Jerry Douglas, Lex Price, and Jerry Roe—they all contributed to this three-and-a-half-minute victory for me. I’m happy that I’m giving this part of my story some sunlight. I’m happy to be singing in this part of my voice. It’s time.”
Buick woke in a familiar way in the middle of the night in the Summer of 2020. She thought she was having a panic attack, something she has experienced in the dead of night for many years. Her heart rate was elevated, she was gripped by thoughts about her past and future failings, and she was wide awake. But she was also hearing music. She heard, “all my failures keep knocking at my door, remind me who I used to be.” She left her bedroom and went to the couch, where she typically rides out the panic attacks. But this time, she just listened. She listened to the song her mind was writing about her panic attacks. Weeks later, she sat down to sing it.
Studio access being limited at the time, Buick recorded and produced the song in her own home and invited other members of the Nashville music community to record themselves for the track. On “All My Failures,” she is joined by Jerry Douglas on dobro; Bryan Sutton on guitar, high-strung guitar, and mandolin; Lex Price on bass; and her Friendship Commanders bandmate Jerry Roe on drums and percussion. Trina Shoemaker rounds out the group as mix engineer, giving the song the dream-like quality Buick heard in her head when she wrote it.
Buick says, “In all my years as a songwriter, I have never talked about this part of my life that’s almost as common as sleep itself. There is a part of me that dreads admitting it aloud, that I have panic attacks, but a bigger part of me knows I’m not the only one. I’m not looking for advice; I just want to tell the truth about what it’s like for me. I spend a lot of my nights fighting heavy, dangerous beliefs about myself. I’m okay when the sun comes up, but when I’m in it, it’s intense—and quite real. I’m so proud of the song and the recording because it’s exactly the truth. And I’m so honored to have all of these incredible musicians next to me as I admit it.”
Buick Audra has a forthcoming full-length album called Conversations with My Other Voice and an accompanying memoir; both are about abandoning her solo voice and finding her way back to it.
